And I Am Who?

Hey, it's me!

2009-05-11T21:48:00.002-05:00

I have just been reading through these posts. I haven't been here for a very long time. It's interesting to see what I was thinking about a couple of years ago. Basically, I haven't changed. I still think Bush was one of the worst presidents in our history, the war in Iraq is a mistake and most people are stupid. Not you, of course, you're reading my blog after all. I still have a shortage of money, work at the same place and haven't moved yet. But, a lot of people have it worse than me. I don't forget that.

Stay or Go?

2007-10-23T18:50:00.000-05:00

Today I told my boss that I interviewed for a job. He was quite shocked, although he knows I am continually frustrated with this company. So is he. The difference is that he is only 2 years from retirement. I have no hope of ever retiring. Those 10 years I took to raise my kids put me at least that many years behind everyone my age who didn't take time off for kids. I have to think about my future. I also need to make more money. He had said he would try to get more money for me in January when it is expected that there will be some personnel changes. One of those will be our assistant getting canned (finally!). That means more work for me, which is fine because I am bored out of my skull right now. The business is beyond slow and I hate sitting around doing nothing. He said that I just need to hang on for a couple of years and then I will move to his office. That's not guaranteed. I don't make any assumptions about that. The main problem is that our management is weaker than granny's tea. There is not one good manager in the entire company. Including mine. There are people who know about our products and have expertise that is useful to the company, but not one of them understands how to manage people. The president makes snide remarks about how ineffective our sales department is. He is the only one in any position to change that. Why doesn't he do something! Anyway, my phone interview was a couple of weeks ago. There are two positions open and the company is international and very well respected. I imagine they are inundated with resumes. At least I hope that's why I haven't gotten another call. I don't know what I will do for sure if they offer me the position. Starting over again does not appeal to me. Making more money and working for a big company does.

Good Thing This Isn't My Job

2007-09-26T18:55:00.001-05:00

I forget about this blog for months at a time. I am in the midst of a really lousy period in my life. I am stressed about so many things that I am seriously considering seeing a therapist. My daughter got in another accident and totaled her car. I am grateful that she did not get hurt. I am not thrilled about going through all of the attendant bureaucratic nonsense that comes with a motor vehicle accident. She was already paying a scandalous sum of money for car insurance. I don't know how she will be able to afford it after this. I am trying to figure out where to live. I want to get out of this building, but the idea of having to pack up and move makes me ill. Then there is my job. I am bored out of my skull. I also need more money. I have sent out a few resumes, but actually fear getting called for an interview. This would mean starting all over again someplace new. Jesus.

Some Men

2007-06-07T21:10:00.000-05:00

I have met some stellar men in the past year. I met them in cyberspace, unfortunately. I mean, I'm glad I met them, but I would rather they were in my real life and not just my web life. I have to say that these guys are real men; smart, funny, aware, talented. Of course, cyberspace is somewhat idealistic, right? There is no need to show all of your warts. In fact, if you want to, you can create a really outstanding persona to put on display out there. I hope I am savvy enough to cull out the phonies, but maybe these fellas are really good actors. Nah. I think they really are good men. They are guy friends. I don't have romantic notions about them. I admire them and value them and feel like I can tell them things. And I have. Little bits here and there about my life. They are always supportive. One man had to disappear for a while. I think his wife got fed up with his spending so much time on the computer. I know I would be jealous if my husband spent a lot of time on a web site chatting with women. Even though it's innocent, it still takes people away from their lovers and families. I don't know how long we will keep up our chats, but I hope it's a long time.

A Stellar Day

2007-05-28T19:21:00.001-05:00

Today was a beautiful day. The sun was shining. It was about 72 degrees. You couldn't ask for more. I spent the day on the lakefront, listening to my friend's band play an outdoor gig. They sounded great. The people-watching was spectacular. The nuts were ample. Sometimes, you can forget how many crazy people there are in the world. Stopping to watch them is a good reminder. When you are trying to understand why there are traffic jams and why Bush is president, you have to remember all of the whackjobs out there.

Home

2007-05-11T20:17:00.000-05:00

I thought I was going to buy a house, but now I'm not sure. When I think about making myself settle for a house that is so much smaller than the apartment I live in, I get anxious. I can only afford a house in one town nearby. There are duplexes there that are in my price range. I want to have my own place again, I think. I didn't like cutting the grass or shoveling snow when I had a house in the past. I won't like it if I get another house, either. But, to be independent again is very appealing to me. I think that I will know if I find the right place. So far, none of the houses I have seen speaks to me. If you own a house, you know what I am talking about. I actually bid on a house and my bid was not accepted. I didn't care. I shouldn't have bid on it. I don't know why I did. It was nice enough. But, I had no feelings about it whatsoever. I think the bid was rejected, cosmically speaking, because it isn't the right house for me. I look around my apartment and I like it. I don't like the noise from the terribly busy street I live on. I don't like living next door to a building full of cretins who have the manners of barnyard animals. I don't like living in a building with a teenager who has a lot of rowdy friends. But, when I am inside my place and it gets quiet outside, I like it fine.

Poor Little Rich Girl

2007-04-09T19:25:00.000-05:00

I feel sorry for poor Dannielynn, the daughter of Anna Nicole Smith and someone else. I say it's Larry Birkhead. Howard Stern says he hopes it's him. What? I think that of the two men, Larry would be the better father. Why do I think this? Well, the other option is Howard K. Stern. He had been ANS's lawyer and then "boyfriend" and then "husband". That wasn't really a legal marriage, but whatever. I actually have always thought he is gay, not that there's anything wrong with that. But, Howard presided over the downfall and eventual death of Anna Nicole Smith. He not only did not keep her from using drugs, he got prescriptions filled in his name on her behalf. It goes beyond enabling. It seems criminal. But, that can't be right, can it? I mean he said he loved her more than life itself. And of course he would do anything for her. Within reason. Which apparently doesn't include staging an intervention. Or getting her medical help for her depression. Or anything really. While ANS was fighting a serious illness he took off and went who knows where. Then he came back, after she was dead. So, there is no way to blame him at all, is there? I mean if you aren't even present when someone dies, how can it in any way be your fault? Jeez. So tomorrow they are supposed to announce the results of the paternity test. What if it's Howard? Well, don't be surprised. I think it's possible that he paid off Larry to go along with the "results" of the test so that Howard can remain in control of Dannielynn's fortune. If ANS prevails in her lawsuit with the family of her late husband, that baby will be worth a LOT of money. He who controls the baby, controls the pursestrings.

And on it goes

2007-04-04T22:20:00.000-05:00

So we have our little powwow and believe it or not, the upshot is this: We can't do this thing the right way because it's hard and we probably won't do it right. Jaysus. I wish we had videotaped the meeting. Maybe hearing this nonsense played back would shock these people out of their stupors. How sad for a company to have to say, "We just aren't up to the task." And I'm not talking nuclear physics here, I'm just talking about a clerical procedure. I'm stressed to the max. I am buying a house and I'm going through this craziness at work and my daughter and I had a thing about her boyfriend and on and on. I need a vacation. That ain't gonna happen, but I need one.

Showdown

2007-03-12T19:05:00.000-05:00

Next week we will all sit down for a meeting to discuss how to solve a big old hairy problem at work. The problem stems from the bitch getting a senior exec to go along with something really stupid. Now that there is a quagmire, everyone has to work to convince the boss that there is a solution and then hope to god he listens. If he doesn't, I plan on telling the president of the company that when I leave, this is the reason. I can only take so much lunacy and I'll be on overload if we have to continue doing stupid shit because the bitch wants us to and for no other reason.

It would be funny...

2007-03-09T19:36:00.000-06:00

if it wasn't so fucking serious. George Bush is completely out of control as is a large portion of his administration. This is the most corrupt, money-grubbing, crooked government we have had in decades. The thing is Bush actually thinks that history will look upon his years in the White House favorably. Delusional doesn't begin to describe it.

We'll See

2007-02-17T21:57:00.000-06:00

I went to the orthopedic guy last week. He wants me to go to physical therapy and he prescribed an anti-inflammatory. He believes my problems are all related to the arthritis in my spine and should be helped by strengthening my core. We'll see. I figure I get the benefit of joining a gym, but the insurance company pays for it, not me. Also, I kind of have to show up twice a week, so that's good. I was inspired to try again to lose some weight while I'm at it. So, I looked into the Mediterranean diet, which is pretty close to how I eat anyway. Except for the fish part. I don't really like fish. I will try to find something I will eat, since fish is a staple on this diet. The main principle of the plan is trying to stay away from processed foods, sugar, and white flour. More veggies. Like that. We'll see.

I've been poor

2007-02-04T12:33:00.000-06:00

I've never been rich. I've had more than enough money. That was back when I was first married. We both worked and had nice cars and money in the bank. Even after I had kids and was staying home with them, there was more than enough money. After my divorce, there has been just enough. I get tired of living like this. I am literally one paycheck away from financial disaster. I do have great credit, though. I could buy anything, including a car, on my credit cards. But, as for cash, not so much. Living like this affects your life in a lot of different ways. I believe that I would be a generous person, if I had more than enough. If I were wealthy, I would be a philanthropist. I know how I would use my money to benefit others. I wonder how many people there are like me, who would use their wealth to help others. And how many people there are who have wealth, but not generosity. I know one thing. If you are poor, really poor, the first thing you should do is sell your television (providing you have one, that is). Children who are poor don't need the constant bombardment of ads teasing them with things they can't have. It leads to frustration. I imagine children might feel that they are being punished for something. Of course, they will never figure out what that something is. But, the feelings of not having what it seems that everyone else has, must stay with a child for the rest of his life. They would be better off spending their time playing and reading anyway. My kids always had everything they needed and then some. By the time I sold my house (had to) I had accumulated quite a bit of debt. But, I didn't mind. My kids never knew we didn't have much money because they got to have everything the other kids had (within reason) and they had new clothes and shoes and backpacks for school. I always knew that the day would come that I would sell the house and pay off the debt and I did that. I wouldn't do anything differently. I do wonder what my life would have been like if I had more than enough money during those times.

Ow

2007-02-04T08:17:00.000-06:00

So, my I decided to try a different exercise program. Our cable network has a lot of different exercise and fitness programs. I chose the yoga. Next day, I was so sore I couldn't lift my arms. That's enough of that. Back to the one I started with.

2nd Week

2007-01-31T17:12:00.000-06:00

I'm still at it. Can't believe I am still waking up early to exercise. I went to the doctor today because I am having pain and numbness in my neck and leg. He thinks it's my arthritis, so he recommended we start out with physical therapy and anti-inflammatory medicine. So, this is actually a good thing. I will get a workout and I don't even have to pay for it.

One week down

2007-01-26T19:37:00.000-06:00

I exercised every morning this week. I don't really mind it that much, but seriously 10 minutes is my maximum. I hate exercise so much. I want to add 10 minutes in the evening. I hate not being strong.

I wonder...

2007-01-21T19:25:00.000-06:00

if I am finally ready to move on. About 12 years ago, I met someone, fell madly in love, and then the relationship ended abruptly. I quit smoking, too. I gained about 15 pounds in 5 months. I started dieting to lose it. I don't need to tell you what happened after that. I lost weight, went back to eating normally, gained back the weight plus another 4 or 5 pounds and repeated the whole process again. I did that again and again until I had gained about 40 pounds. I won't diet any more. I tried exercising to lose weight. That didn't work. My muscles got toned, but my size and shape remained the same. I gave up on exercising. So yesterday, I decided I will exercise every day. I have been eating pretty healthy for the past two years. I did a walking video yesterday and a 10 minute body toning video today. I like that one. I have a very short attention span when it comes to exercise. I get bored before I finish whatever workout it is. These 10 minute ones, I can do. So, I was just reading and all of the sudden I wondered if I am finally over what happened when that relationship ended. Is that why I suddenly feel like exercising? And was I unable to lose weight in order to keep myself from being in a position to meet someone new and risk loss like that again? I would like to move on.

Now We're Having Fun

2007-01-16T17:04:00.000-06:00

So Mr. Big Boss is in a really good mood today and I can't help but wonder why. Usually, he is pretty unhappy with someone or something. I am waiting for the other shoe to drop. My boss has decided he will retire in 2 1/2 years. That's the earliest he can go and still get enough money to live on. I hope I win the lottery.

Battle Lines

2007-01-10T18:50:00.000-06:00

Mr. Big Boss has been using a company credit card for personal stuff. He always pays the bill, but it makes me (and others) wonder why he doesn't use his own credit cards. One of the corporate vice presidents wants him to stop. It's getting very strained between them. I am trying to be sympathetic to him, but he causes me more grief than any 10 people combined, so it's not easy. I made a list of observations about the company. I don't know what I'll do with that. Basically, it represents everything that is wrong with the way the company is managed (mismanaged). Here are some highlights.
1. There are no meetings.
2. New people don't get introduced except by accident.
3. There are 3 separate fiefdoms within the company. Each tries to pretend the others don't exist.
4. Everyone knows that no one ever gets fired for incompetence. Jobs for life.
5. The top boss doesn't meet with his department managers...ever.
You get the idea. I don't know how we stay profitable. I have to get out of there.

Cold or Not?

2007-01-08T19:29:00.000-06:00

So all day Sunday I felt fine. Now I feel like I have a cold. WTF. I'm cold. My ears hurt. I'm sneezing. So I started with the Airborn and Zycam again. Mr. Big Boss found a couple of excuses to stop by my office today. Odd. The witch was not in, so that was good.

Sniff. Cough.

2007-01-06T18:25:00.000-06:00

I woke up this morning with a runny nose. Now, I don't know if I have a cold for sure. It's so damn warm right now that people with allergies (me) are having a bad time. But, I didn't want to take any chances so I started taking Airborn and Zycam. I was feeling tired, too. The runny nose stopped and then came back between doses. It is evening and I still feel okay. Wonder if it really worked or if I am that suggestible. Either way is alright with me.

Oh Dear

2007-01-05T19:37:00.000-06:00

Our joy was short-lived. My boss told me that his boss has moved on from the inventory problem with the hag. What caused this about-face? After having all evening to ponder the issue, he realized that he was afraid to confront her, so he dropped it. I saw her in his office today, a fairly rare occurrence. She was trying to explain something. He sounded perturbed. I think he feels like he has an office wife, but not in a good way. Oh well, it was such fun while it lasted. Then something weird happened. Someone asked me how things are with me and the person in question. I said "Fine. I don't work with her." He was clearly fishing. What I don't know is why. The only people who know my true feelings are my boss and my family. So, how did this guy know there was a problem? He must have overheard something. I wonder what. Then, the boss' boss left early and made a point of coming by to tell me this and to wish me a good weekend. WTF??? Tune in next week for more intrigue.

Sweet Little Victory

2007-01-04T20:48:00.000-06:00

At the end of the day, my boss told me that our nemesis has caused his boss some major aggravation. Woohoo!!! It seems that something is terribly wrong with our inventory and it is because of how she insists that certain things be done. My boss and I have tried to voice our concerns about this more than once, but to no avail. I guess this has finally become a large enough issue to draw some negative attention. We are sitting back smiling with satisfaction. Finally, the miserable cow will be made to account for herself.

WTF?

2007-01-03T22:22:00.000-06:00

My boss' boss emailed me with some questions today. He could have just called my boss, but I think he wanted to communicate with me. I don't know why. Either he is annoyed with my boss or he just realized I am not feeling very friendly toward him these days. He followed up the email conversation we had with a visit to my office to explain why he wanted the information. Totally unnecessary. He can ask me anything anytime. He is an executive. What is he trying to achieve? I don't know.

Back To Work

2007-01-02T19:46:00.000-06:00

Nice long weekends are wonderful...until they end. Actually, today wasn't that bad. I was reminded again, though, that this company is the poster child for disfunctional management. Anyway, I intend to spend some time looking at the job listings tomorrow. I feel like I'm getting a cold. Everyone else has it, so why not? My hand is killing me. I think I'll give it a soak. I recorded the K.T. Tunstall special and just watched it. She is amazing. I ordered Alastair Artingstall's c.d. I found him on MySpace believe it or not. I have found lots of good music there. Anyway, I love him to pieces. I ordered his c.d. and he personally sent me an acknowledgement and thank you. Seriously. See, sometimes the world is a really cool place.

Memories

2006-12-31T17:17:00.000-06:00

I've been watching the "Yearbook" marathon today. That has put me in a nostalgic mood. I've been thinking about where I was and what my life was like during the featured year. When the 80s are mentioned, I think of my marriage and my kids. I got married in 1980. My daughters were born in 1981 and 1984. The marriage finally ended in 1990. Getting married was a big mistake. My ex would still be married to me, if he had his druthers. I am grateful that I had two wonderful children, despite the marriage being a losing proposition. To be fair, it was my fault we got married. I mean, I could have said no. But, I was at a very bad place at the time and unbeknownst to me, I was getting married in an attempt to gain the approval of my grandmother. She was no longer alive, but apparently, that didn't matter. At least, that's what a therapist told me once. I have been lost since very early on. I still don't know where or what I am meant to be. Once my children were born, I made raising them my mission. They are women now. My task is complete. I think about what the rest of my life will be. I don't have answers.

Ding Dong Saddam Is Dead

2006-12-30T12:44:00.000-06:00

Well, they put Saddam Hussein to death. That's that. Iraq is still a clusterfuck of gigantic proportions. There is an interesting video that details the distinguished career of the late murderer. America was largely responsible for his coming to power in Iraq. Life is funny, isn't it?
http://www.bushflash.com/swf/thanks.swf

A Little Better

2006-12-28T19:17:00.000-06:00

Today I feel pretty good. I don't know what changed, but I am not feeling depressed, so that's good. Work was okay. I was busy and the day flew by. We are off tomorrow and Monday so I have 4 whole days to do whatever. My boss and I had a strategy talk. From now on, we are going to call this shrew on her craziness. Without resorting to insults or anything HR can get us for, we will let her know that she is wrong. This will be good for us. Right now, the stress we are feeling from stuffing everything down is causing us to feel like crap every day. He is trying to figure out how to retire early! I am shopping my resume'. That's insane. She's the one who needs to get out, not us. But, since the V.P. is under her evil spell, that ain't gonna happen.

Work

2006-12-27T20:28:00.000-06:00

This week the office is very quiet. Most people are on vacation. My boss and I like to work this week every year. No one around to bother us, like his boss for instance. I am afraid that I am going to start saying what I think, which might mean I could get the boot. My boss and I talk all the time about teetering on the edge of mouthing off and getting fired. I'm glad I work for someone who thinks like I do. It would suck if he was clueless. This woman in our company, who is a constant source of aggravation for us, pulled another classic stunt today. She told the accounting person that a particular issue belonged to our department when, in fact, it belongs to hers. And everyone involved knows it. In some alternate universe this could be a situation comedy. But, in real life, it isn't funny. My boss has given up on trying to say anything to his boss about her. That man is blind, deaf and dumb when it comes to the shortcomings of this woman. She is ugly inside and out, so we don't think they are doing the nasty. Rather, it is some sort of misplaced loyalty that is too tiresome to go into here. Suffice it to say, that the man protects her and backs her play, always. Now, nobody is right 100% of the time. But, in his universe, she is. I have updated my resume' and am scouring the job listings. I want out of this nuthouse.

I'm fighting

2006-12-26T16:53:00.000-06:00

I'm fighting every day to keep depression from taking over. I remind myself that my life could be so much worse. I have a job that pays pretty well. My kids are healthy. We have somewhere to live. There are a lot of people who are jobless and homeless and in ill health. It does help to remind myself not to get to negative. It's hard.

Bah

2006-12-25T21:47:00.000-06:00

I'm glad it's over. Christmas, I mean. I had a fine Christmas, but I just don't like all of the hype anymore. The season is months long. Everything is overdone. I would be just as happy not having any holiday at all. I don't like things being abnormal for so long. I guess my routine gives me some sort of comfort. I don't know why that is. I have to go back to work tomorrow. That's a drag. I really hate that place. I sent my resume' to a company looking for an operations manager. I've never been a manager, but I know I can be a good one. I have more on the ball than all but one of the managers where I work. That's a sad commentary, isn't it? Anyway, nothing ventured, right?

The Christmas Spirit

2006-12-22T12:09:00.000-06:00

My daughter just sent me an email from work. It seems that a woman (vice-president) gave everyone who works there a gift except my daughter. I was so angry I wanted to slap the bitch. But, I acted only mildly outraged when my daughter called me. I told her that maybe it was an oversight. She asked me if the woman shouldn't have told her that she forgot or something, if that was the case. Yes, I guess she should have, if it really was a mistake. It is unethical for an officer in an organization to discriminate against an employee. This is a small, family owned company though. Things are not always done according to Hoyle. But, this is egregious, even for them. What a nice way to start the long Christmas holiday.

Christmas

2006-12-20T20:06:00.000-06:00

I'm not really in the Christmas spirit. My youngest daughter isn't either. It might have something to do with the weather. It is very warm for this time of year and there is no snow on the ground. Plus my mother is undergoing cancer treatment. Plus there's my job, which is a constant source of aggravation. Then there's the money thing, the not enough part. So, I guess it makes sense that I don't feel all jolly and stuff. The stupid war drags on and on and that idiot in the White House gets more stupid by the day. It's not a real good time all in all.

Tired

2006-12-14T18:13:00.000-06:00

My mother has cancer. She was diagnosed about 2 months ago. I have been taking her to appointments for chemo and radiation. It's exhausting for everyone. Basically they are treating her to keep her comfortable. She might have a year, more or less. Unfortunately, some of her cancer is next to her trachea. The other is in her brain where balance is controlled. Some day, the cancer will win. But, for now, we are hoping she can swallow okay and not fall over. Small things. Big things.

Our Inept Pres

2006-12-07T16:02:00.000-06:00

The Iraq Bipartisan Study group presented its recommendations to the president and the country. The ideas seem sound and they might work. Our idiot president, however, is an egomaniac and cannot stand to have anyone tell him what to do, so the popular wisdom says he will not accept ALL of the recommendations. He is such a loser.

Home

2006-12-03T08:53:00.000-06:00

John Edwards has written a book, "Home, The Blueprints of Our Lives". Famous and not so famous people talk about the homes they grew up in. Edwards has just built a fantastic house for his family on 100 acres. When you look out from his back patio you see grass and trees.
I grew up in a house, not a home. We never had any money and my mother didn't really know or care about how to decorate a house. We had what was necessary. There were pictures on the walls, but I couldn't tell you what they were. We did have one thing that I thought was beautiful. I still have it. It is a 1950s floor lamp. I think someone gave it to my parents as a gift.
A lot of our furniture was handed down from relatives. My uncle gave us a waterfall dresser that I wish I still had. I was a teenager at that time and didn't fully appreciate its value. I thought it was nice, though. My sister and I shared a room and our twin beds were also handed down from relatives. Our house was not warm. It was not cozy. It was shelter.
When I was getting divorced and was in counseling, my therapist said that it is important to make our home our own. I needed to surround myself with things that make me happy and that have meaning to me. When I sold my house and moved into an apartment, I got rid of almost everything. I bought new furniture, a new dining room table, a new entertainment center, and a large print of a violin that hangs in my bedroom. I found black and white prints of a scene from Casablanca (the airport scene), from The Wizard of Oz (Dorothy and Glenda in Munchkinland), and one of Mae West just being Mae West. I had them framed and they hang in my living room. I have a three shelf bookcase that I have had since I had my first apartment as a 21 year old. It was unfinished when I bought it and I remember staining and polishing it. I love its simplicity. Books are treasures to me and the bookcase is filled with books I love. I also have a roll top desk that is all wood. I love it. I have my grandmother's dresser in my bedroom. It is beautifully simple. My bed does not have a headboard. I looked all over for a particular old style headboard and never found it. I ran out of disposable income and I don't want to settle for anything but the one I have in my head.
I know that growing up in the house I grew up in, with the family I had, has affected me in a lot of negative ways. I have spent my life making mistakes and suffering the consequences of growing up in a family where neither parent had any idea how to raise kids. My parents did what they knew how to do and unfortunately, it wasn't very nurturing. We survived. I hated growing up in my house and family. I have spent my adult life trying to overcome my childhood. Sometimes, I think I'll succeed.

No Such Luck

2006-12-02T23:29:00.001-06:00

I didn't win. That depressed me for a while. Why can't I catch a break?

Could I Be That Lucky?

2006-11-29T14:48:00.000-06:00

That's one of Cy Tolliver's famous lines from Deadwood. I entered a sweepstakes and I wonder if I could be lucky enough to win. It would be a life changing thing, if I did. I want to help my kids live the lives they were meant to live. I would like them to have the choices that money would bring. I wish I could be that lucky.

Enjoy the weather

2006-11-26T11:59:00.000-06:00

It won't last long. In Chicago, the temperatures are balmy for late November. You see people walking, biking, riding motorcycles. It is our attempt to stock up on the good weather to see us through the winter. In a few days, we will be in the 30 degree range. These abrupt changes are disconcerting to say the least.
Today, my car wouldn't start. My daughter and her boyfriend helped me jump start the car and I went to Pep Boys to get a new battery. Car problems cause me so much anxiety. It is the one area of life that confounds me. I hate when I can't depend on my car.

Bored

2006-11-24T19:43:00.000-06:00

Not only am I bored being home, I am bored with my life. I feel stuck. I wish I had money. I would like to see what life is like when you have the options that money provides. When you barely have enough money to live, life is a constant struggle. I would like to know what it would be like to not worry about money. It's hard to be creative without choices. It is hard to be generous when you have just the minimum. Before too long, I would like to know.

Getting Restless

2006-11-22T10:50:00.000-06:00

It has been one week since my surgery. I am typing with both hands, but not using my left thumb. Pretty awkward. My thumb hurts quite a bit. Last time my thumb joint hurt, but not my thumb itself. I'm taking my pain meds about twice a day. Much better than last time when I was taking it around the clock. I am getting a little bored being home already. I am going to the post office to mail something. That is what passes for fun right now. I have a lot of stuff to read, a project on family history to work on, music I want to download, yet I am restless and can't seem to focus on anything.

So far, so good

2006-11-20T16:31:00.000-06:00

I went to my follow up appointment today. I couldn't take my pain meds because I had to drive, so I just took an Alleve. It wasn't bad. I have a hard splint now. There isn't as much pain or swelling this time.

Under the Knife

2006-11-15T08:20:00.000-06:00

Today I am having surgery on my left hand. I had my right hand operated on in June. Now, I will have a matched set. I dread what's coming in the next few weeks. Day after day of misery. But, after another 6 months I should be able to use both hands the way I need to. I can cook again. I can golf again. I can play my violin again. So, it's not just necessary, but worth it in the end. See you later.

Surprises

2006-11-11T14:22:00.000-06:00

I still hate my job, but yesterday something completely unexpected happened. My boss had told another manager that it was time for his department to take over a task our department has been doing. It rightly belongs to the other department, honest. This other manager said no. So my boss and I had a discussion and without saying it in so many words, decided to stop doing the task. Then the next day, this manager came to me to discuss this again. First of all, no one in this company ever thinks again about anything. They shoot from the hip, deflect work, and then refuse to act. I didn't know what to do. We talked for a while and he now understands that indeed this belongs to his department. I offered my help with training etc. and he said we will talk again next week. Then another manager told my boss that he should congratulate me on saving the company a lot of money by noticing an increase in a service. I thanked him for mentioning it to my boss. Wow. This is almost like a real company. I still want out.

One Vote

2006-11-07T17:25:00.000-06:00

I just got home. I stopped after work to vote. It was a very pleasant experience and it made me feel grateful. I know it wasn't pleasant in some places. The documentary Hacking Democracy is a must see. I had no idea until I saw that film, that everyone won't have the same experience at the voting place that I did. Some people stood in line in the rain for 7 hours to vote in the last presidential election. In America. Some places had too few machines and so there were long lines. Some places had machines that didn't work. And some places had vote fraud. Gore actually had a negative vote count in one place. I am fairly confidant that my vote will be counted and that there will not be any fraud. I feel really good that I was able to vote on a referendum about whether we should withdraw from Iraq. I feel really good that I was able to vote to ban assault weapons. I will never take voting for granted again.

I Had It Wrong

2006-11-04T08:40:00.000-06:00

I guess I have been all wrong about ministers. I grew up thinking that these were special people who were a little better than the rest of us. A little kinder. A little more giving. After all, they raised their families with whatever money the congregation felt like giving them. In most cases, it wasn't all that much. They were there for their flock, no matter the hour. They seemed gentler, more like I imagined Jesus to be. But, I had it wrong. The scandals in the Christian churches in the past months have given me pause, you might say. These people (mostly men) are not only no better than the rest of us, some of them are sick perverts. They have twisted psyches. Not only are they not Jesus-like, they aren't even descent human beings. They are liars, cheaters and sexually promiscuous. We've been inundated for years with stories of the priest/pedophile scandals in the Catholic church. The fundamentalist Christians sat back all self-satisfied and smug. Now, they aren't looking so smug. So, what's the lesson here? I don't know. I gave up on organized religion many years ago. Wars are being fought even today in the name of religion. Would we all be better off if the churches, synagogues, mosques, and temples were closed down?

It's Been Real

2006-11-03T20:46:00.000-06:00

It's been a strange week. I'm glad it's over. Next week is going to be rough. I have started writing my great American novel. It is difficult, as I knew it would be. I keep putting it down for a long time between writing. At this rate, it will take years, but that's okay. I don't have a deadline.

Asshats

2006-11-01T16:25:00.000-06:00

I know I bring this up a lot, but really, the world is so filled with asshats and fucknuts of various assortments. Why do we have to put up with them? Can't they all go live in one place and leave the rest of us the fuck alone? I don't go looking for trouble. Trouble finds me. Certain people hate me. They are usually the type of people who have an inflated opinion of their own importance. Being around me makes them realize that they really aren't anything at all. That makes them lash out at me. I don't go to them and call them out. But, when provoked, I can be quite formidable. As one of them is about to find out.

The World Is Full of Fucknuts

2006-10-28T21:59:00.000-05:00

I have decided I need to get a different job.

I'm going to write

2006-10-08T14:20:00.000-05:00

a book. I've never done that before, so this will be a new experience for me. It's good to try new things, right? I mean, it's just a book. Practically anyone can write a book, I think. The book might not be any good, but still. I have no idea how to start, so I think I'll make an outline to give myself some structure. Sounds right. It will be a novel based on fact. This is about something I experienced in 2005. I have to change everyone's names for legal reasons, so that will make it fiction rather than nonfiction. Although, everything happened.

Where Are the Dems?

2006-09-29T18:22:00.000-05:00

This would be a good time for a Democrat, say a Ted Kennedy maybe, to stand the fuck up and called for impeachment proceedings. What do they need to have happen? Do they need bombs falling on DesMoines fuckin Iowa? The maniac in the oval office has already hurt our national reputation as a just and fair country. We will never get that back. He dragged us into Iraq when all the while the real threat was hiding in Pakistan and Afghanistan. He is trying to stack the Supreme Court with bible thumping right wingers who have lost their way as jurists. He is attempting to amend the Constitution of the United States to cover his illegal activities. The latest gambit is his trying to rewrite the Geneva Convention so that he cannot be prosecuted for war crimes. I guess if he ever gets a blow job in the White House, we'll be all set, right?

Heaven Help Us

2006-09-22T23:01:00.000-05:00

George wants to rewrite history, the Constitution, and the Geneva Convention to give himself the innocence he lacks. I don't understand why some Democrat won't propose impeachment proceedings. I honestly don't understand. It's almost as if the Democrats are under some kind of spell. Like they have lost their hearing. And their ability to reason. And their gonads. At this rate, the Republican guard is going to win again and I will have to move away from here.

Today sucked

2006-09-16T20:43:00.000-05:00

First of all, my daughter hinted that she is considering moving in with her boyfriend. She's a grown woman. She can do whatever she wants. But, this guy is an emotionally abusive fucktard. I know he is not good for her, but she is suffering from low self esteem. She lost her confidence when her college sweetheart cheated on her. She has not recovered from that. Then, I lost my cyberfriend Jim. I don't know what to say about that. I really don't understand what happened. Then, I got into it on the board with an asshat and another poster who I normally get along with.
I really hope that the Pope doesn't give the muslims any more of his time. They are not worth it. They set fire to 5 churches because they took exception to something he quoted from the 15th century. What ignorant assholes. The people of the United States do not yet understand that the arab extremists are not normal human beings. They are not that evolved. They are superstitious and misogynistic and deserve to be annihilated.

We need a president.

2006-09-15T17:08:00.000-05:00

A new one, I mean. The one we have is broken. Doesn't work right. Keeps getting us into trouble. I wish we could have had Ann Richards for president, even for a little while. I can just imagine her press conferences. She was a great broad who died too soon. We have to come up with a viable candidate to run for president. I really can't fathom living here for the rest of my life with right wing, amoral millionaires running this country. Ireland is looking good to me. I never considered moving out of the country until recently. I am feeling sort of hopeless about our future. If we keep stomping around the Middle East like we own the place, someone is going to nuke our ass. Maybe that doesn't scare the bible thumpers, but it scares me. I actually hope that my children don't have children. I wouldn't want them to have to live in a world where the government tosses out whatever parts of the Constitution of the United States that they find bothersome at the moment. I don't want them to live in a country that only pretends to understand the reason behind the concept of separation of church and state. This used to be the greatest country on earth. We are a shadow of our former selves.

Us Against Them

2006-09-12T19:25:00.000-05:00

I'd feel a lot better with a diplomat instead of a cowboy in the White House. I really think that our only hope to live long and prosper is to find a way to stop inflaming the terrorists. One thing keeps coming up again and again from the jihadists and that is the presence of the United States in the Middle East. They hate our interference in what is considered the Arab world. I wonder if there isn't some way to protect our oil interests in the Middle East without stomping around like big ugly clodhoppers. Why don't we at least try?

Politics

2006-09-10T11:33:00.000-05:00

You would think that only 5 years after the attacks by Muslim jihadists against the U.S., it would be too soon for the administration to try to earn political points from it. But, there is no shame in politics, right? Instead of focusing on the real issue, how to protect ourselves from crazy terrorists, we are inundated with finger pointing and blaming. Yes, the Clinton administration might have been able to kill Bin Laden, but didn't. Clinton did try bombing his supposed hideout, but as we know, he missed the target. Bush hasn't even tried. I mean when has he had time to go after him, what with the war in Iraq and all? The biggest shame of the Bush administration has to be the LIE told to get us into war. The Second Biggest Shame has to be the fact that the recommendations of the 9/11 Commission are not being implemented. Some of them have, but not all. How can Bush look at his Howdy Doody face in the mirror? He has the lives of the citizens of this country in his slippery, greasy hands! What possible excuse could he have for so callously disregarding the 9/11 Commission recommendations? I can't think of a thing. Hopefully, we will not pay the price for this president's arrogance. We are already paying the price for his ignorance of international relations.

Chat room or rubber room?

2006-09-03T14:47:00.000-05:00

I have never been much of a joiner. I wasn't a girl scout and I didn't play a team sport. Mostly I have several close friends that I socialize with who I've known for a long time. However, I joined a chat room for the HBO series Deadwood. That show was the most fascinating television I have ever watched. I went into the chat room because Deadwood tends to make fanatics out of ordinary people. Soon, I wasn't just lurking, I was posting. I am glad, for the most part, that I did that. I "met" some really outstanding people, like rskoo, CanalGal, lulucaliente, GabrielsTrumpet, Ecclesfan, 69fender, DXMikey and last but certainly not least, portrayedbyjim. We discussed the show, but we also discussed everything else you can imagine; food, travel, work, love, life, death. To think, I never would have known about these people if not for our common love of a television show. But in anything, there has to be a flip side, right? There are some old farts who have become self-appointed guardians of all that is holy on the site. Raindawg seems to wear the crown of chief arbiter. That old relic takes exception with everything I post. Sometimes, I post something guaranteed to get a rise out of him, and sure enough, he never disappoints. There are a couple of minions who rise up to defend the curmudgeon if I say anything that seems a bit contrary. It's a game that has lost its charm. It really is unfortunate that there is anonymity in chat rooms. If everyone had to post under their real names, I think the tone would be a lot more civil. As things stand, any fucknut with an ax to grind can find an audience on the web. Some of these folks seem to be more than odd, they seem to be mentally disturbed. Some are just blowhards who finally have a place to go to spout off. In their real lives I imagine they get their asses kicked on a regular basis for such behavior. I don't know if the chatroom world is for me. I doubt it. I am glad, though, that I had the experience.

A pain

2006-08-31T20:16:00.000-05:00

My rebuilt thumb joint is coming along. Took a lot longer for the pain to subside than I could have imagined. Now, I have to plan the surgery for the other hand. I think early November maybe. I can't wait to have two working hands again.
Deadwood, my favorite show ever, ended Sunday night. No more. There was supposed to be a 4th season, but for reasons mysterious, there will perhaps be two movies instead. I'll be glad to watch them if and when they come out. I just ain't holdin my breath. Deadwood was a groundbreaking series set in 1870s South Dakota territory. It's a fascinating time and place in American history. The language was rough, but realistic. The violence was appropriately ugly. I wish we could have had more of Wu and the Chinese workers. I would love to know what their daily existence was really like. I would like to have seen more of the miners and their lives. I would like to have seen more of everything about Deadwood. This is a story that could have lasted at least 10 years on television.

Contact Senators

2006-08-26T09:27:00.000-05:00

Here's a link to your United States senators' email addresses. Please send a message that we do not want OUR tax dollars spent on rebuilding Lebanon. Instead, we want our tax dollars spent on rebuilding OUR OWN GULF COAST.

http://www.senate.gov/general/contact_information/senators_cfm.cfm

Fuck Lebanon

2006-08-17T17:37:00.000-05:00

The United States is supposed to kick in about 50million dollars to help rebuild Lebanon. Bullshit! We still have people in the Gulf Coast who are homeless, businesses ruined, infrastructure trashed. And our pathetic government can't seem to get off their asses to help them, but we can help the fucking Arabs? I don't think so. If there was some way to keep my company from taking tax money out of my check I would stop paying federal taxes altogether. While I'm ranting, let me say this about Bush. He is a fucking moron. The repubican party should be ashamed of themselves for electing this fool.

Crazy people should not keep children

2006-08-08T18:49:00.000-05:00

You know how people get all het up over the mistreatment of animals. I mean, the police can come and take your animals away if you don't treat them right. Kids are another matter. My former sister in law is a lunatic. Her kids are good kids, but she treats them like dirt. She is insane. She was screaming at my 16 year old nephew the other night, so he left the house to walk to his grandfather's until things cooled down. She called the police. She wants my brother to take him to live at his house. My brother won't take his son without also taking his daughter. So loony tunes puts my niece in the middle by asking her if she wants to go live with her father. Yikes. I wish I could make a phone call and someone would go to her house and pack up the kids and say, "You are not treating these kids right, so you can't have them." But, of course, that won't happen. I think my brother could win custody if she had to undergo a mental illness examination. She would be locked up I think. Anyhow, some people shouldn't keep kids. Or pets.

The World is a Scary Wonderful Place

2006-08-03T19:48:00.000-05:00

I certainly have been remiss, have I not? I am neglecting my blog. I could blame the pain in my hands, but that would be a lie. Not that they don't hurt, they do. But, I have been typing at work and I have been posting like a maniac on the Deadwood site. Seems I have lost my edge. I think I reached the saturation point with the war and the Bush and everything. I watched a doc on the 60s the other night. I felt all of those emotions again. The war protests when I actually thought the protests made a difference. They did, according to Robert McNamara. Too big and noisy too ignore. What happened to the Iraq war protests? They sort of petered out. I think mainly because folks realize that nothing will move Bush off the present course. Stay the fuckin course. This is depressing. That's the real reason for my lack of enthusiasm for this blog. Tomorrow will be better.

Condi strikes out

2006-07-30T09:53:00.000-05:00

The war is still going on between Israel and Lebanon. Lots of civilians getting killed. Today Lebanese attacked the UN offices. That seemed to satisfy their bloodlust for the moment. The frustration level is off the charts. Right now, Hezbollah claims they would go along with a cease fire. Apparently, Israel doesn't feel the need to cease firing. Condi took her peace proposal to the M.E. and included is a multi-national "rebuild Lebanon" check. I really resent my money being spent to rebuild a country that is still in the middle of a war. My money should stay here in the U.S. and rebuild the hurricane ravaged Gulf coast.

War

2006-07-17T21:29:00.000-05:00

I guess I should note that war has broken out for real between Israel and Lebanon. Missiles, rockets, the whole nine yards. Blowing shit up back and forth. It would seem that Iran has purposely stirred the shit up while the G8 summit is going on. Everything is politics. What's that they say about timing? Anyway, lots of people getting injured and killed. Lots of buildings and roads and bridges destroyed. Fucking tribal war.

Most people aren't that bright

2006-07-01T08:08:00.000-05:00

Americans are more divided politically than at any other time in my memory. And the troubling thing about that is the fact that people are not willing to talk about their differences. We are a nation of haters. I will admit, I think my beliefs are right. Theirs are wrong. But, I have no malice toward the people who voted Republican last time around. I just don't understand them. Millions of the people who fear homosexuals to the extent that they would deny them their rights are calling themselves "Christians". I'm pretty sure Christ would have a problem with hate-mongering at funerals. But, maybe we aren't talking about the same Christ. I was raised Catholic. I stopped going to church when I realized that I was at odds with some of the most fundamental Catholic doctrines. In the years since, the priest/pedophile scandals sort of confirmed my belief that this was not the church for me. I guess some folks who have gone to church every Sunday for their entire lives, believe they are good people. Some of them are. A lot of churchgoers have abdicated their brains to their church. They are most comfortable following like biblical sheep, rather than thinking things through. They get their political direction from the pulpit. Blindly following the directives of a minister. That is my problem with so many red voters. They would be only too happy to amend the constitution to make weekly attendance at a Christian church mandatory. And they wouldn't understand why it would be wrong.

Waiting

2006-06-21T11:26:00.000-05:00

How awful must it be to sit around waiting to die? There is a guy across the street who reminds me of my dad during his last year. He had this look about him that said " I am just waiting to die." He knew. This guy just sort of wanders around the building, nothing pressing to do. No place he needs to go.

Week Two

2006-06-20T08:51:00.000-05:00

So I begin the second week of recovery from my operation. I still have a lot of pain. I have stopped taking the Vicodin cause it makes me sick. Tylenol 3 with codeine isn't strong enough. So there is pain. Such a drag. Being home from work could be so much fun if not for the pain.

Ouch

2006-06-16T15:36:00.000-05:00

Last year at this time I was recovering from rotator cuff surgery. Now I am recovering from surgery on my thumb joint. I hate the first week after an operation. Mainly because of the PAIN! But also because I can't do things like type normally. I am typing like my boss, one finger at a time. I keep thinking of this bit that George Karlin did..."fuckin meow!" is all I remember. Anyone know the bit? Anyhow, I will muddle through.

One for us

2006-06-10T17:20:00.000-05:00

So we got us a bad guy in the war. Yippee. Now can we go home? The thing about Muslim fanatics is, there is always another one. Sounds hopeless doesn't it? If we really want to win the war against the insurgents, Bush and his minions need to get serious. Bring everyone in. There shouldn't be an American soldier, sailor, or marine left in a military post in any friendly city in the world. Then, spend every dime that is presently going to foreign governments for subsidies of questionable validity, on arming the troops. Then, go medieval on their asses.

Goodbye Tony, Carmella, Christopher et al

2006-06-06T18:53:00.000-05:00

How crazy was the season (series?) finale of The Sopranos? Tony actually said, "Love to Finn!" I almost puked.
I am all atwitter awaiting the start of Deadwood. It is the best show. I know I am obsessing. I'll stop.
Almost a year ago I had shoulder surgery. I was just reading some of my posts from that time. You can tell I am not completely clean and sober (prescribed painkillers). I said that I never wanted to have surgery again. Guess what? Next week I have to have surgery on my hand! Then sometime down the road I have to have surgery on my other hand! Can't be avoided. I am unable to open jars and bottles, can't pump gas in my car, and have a difficult time turning the key in my ignition. And I use a computer all day at work. So I kind of need my hands. I wore out my thumb joints typing. Not terribly glamorous, right? I am scared to have this surgery. Probably because I am still traumatized by last July's surgery. But, I look forward to having this problem fixed.

I am a Deadwood addict

2006-06-03T22:03:00.000-05:00

I am proud to say it. I love that show more than any other, and I love a lot of t.v. shows. Deadwood is special. The writing is so intelligent that you cannot wander off or you will be lost. I like that. The language is rough, so if you are sensitive, please move on. You would blush and hyperventilate. For the rest of you, the language is rough because people spoke that way in certain social circles of that era in the American West. In fact, the curse words they used were hell and damn and like that. But, back then, those words sounded just like cocksucker, cunt and fuck do today. I have a fascination with life in the old west and Deadwood satisfies that primal need to know what life was like before I got here. I am preoccupied with how things must have smelled. I imagine the stench in the air would be similar to our standing next to a dumpster that needs to be emptied. People rarely bathed and they didn't brush their teeth...yech. The actors on Deadwood are talented and dedicated to this show. HBO in their infinite stupidity have decided not to renew the series for next season. My fellow addicts and I have let HBO know the magnitude of our disgust with their ill advised plan. We hold out hope that someone will save our show and we wait like expectant fathers for the season opener.

Memorial Day 2006

2006-05-29T09:20:00.000-05:00

The violin is playing Mozart's Requiem. More than 2000 soldiers have died in Iraq. Thousands have been permanently maimed. And still no end in sight. No plan. We keep sending more and more soldiers into harm's way. For what? So the Iraqi people can have a democracy? They don't want a democracy. They wouldn't be happy with a democracy. If we ever leave this hellhole, they will go back to their way of determining who gets to rule. They fight each other til someone wins. And still we keep sending our soldiers over there to die, or not die, but return broken.

Laura Bush, such a lady

2006-03-12T13:05:00.000-06:00

When historians look back at the George "Pinocchio" Bush era, one of the things that will stand out is that his wife was a lady. No matter that her husband behaved like a man with a 2 inch penis, she smiled and spoke softly and always wore an appropriate outfit. This is important to a southern gal. You just have to keep on keepin' on, right Missus Bush? Ya'll remember that, now here? Act like a lady, no matter what your stupid husband does or says. Smile politely when confronted with his contempt for the Constitution of the United States. None of that matters. It is important that when all is said and done, Laura Bush can look back on her time in the White House and say, "I always behaved like a proper southern belle." And really, is there anything else?

Pinocchio remains arrogant and ignorant

2006-03-10T20:18:00.000-06:00

George thinks we should be careful not to upset the Arabs. We wouldn't want them to bomb an embassy or something. His latest approval rating is 37. That's pretty fucking low. That must mean that the Republicans and their "Christian" fanatic core realize that they elected an arrogant moron. Oops. Too late to fix that folks. We just have to wait it out and hope he doesn't do anything else that can't be undone, like start a war or whatever. What a tool.

Our First Amendment Rights

2006-03-05T18:49:00.000-06:00

Since a recent survey found that more Americans can name all of the Simpsons than know the 5 main rights in the First Amendment, I thought I would just put them out there.

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances.

This is important now because the Bush administration doesn't know them either. What you don't protect can be taken away. Don't be stupid. Vote.

Pinocchio on Pennsylvania Avenue

2006-02-10T19:15:00.000-06:00

Pathetic. That's the only way to characterize the ridiculous attempt at repairing his image that Bush has engaged in with his "But, we didn't get bombed in 2002! Isn't that good? Don't I get points for that?" No, stupid, you don't. You are the guy who was occupying the White House when we were attacked by Saudi Arabian psychopaths. That's on you. Forever. Now shut the fuck up.

Liar, Liar!

2006-01-27T19:20:00.000-06:00

Wow! Is Oprah pissed at James Frey or what? Let's review. Oprah's staff tells her about this amazing book written by a recovering drug addict named James Frey. It is a memoir. Oprah reads it and omg! It is so inspiring. It affects her so much that she invites Frey to be on the show and discuss his amazing life. Which he does. Now, when I saw him on the show, I thought to myself "This guy is full of shit." When I look at some people I see either that they are being honest or they are not. I thought he was not being honest. I didn't know what exactly he was not being honest about. I mean the guy tells a lot of nasty stuff about his past. So what is there to lie about? Turns out, quite a lot actually. See, he embellished. That's fine when you are writing a novel. We encourage it even. But, if you present a story as being autobiographical or a memoir, then you are supposed to tell it like it was. He didn't. So everyone got up in arms about it and all of the "journalists" had to weigh in on the audacity of someone such as this James Frey person writing such bullshit. There is absolutely nothing else for them to be upset or worried about. Not Iraq. Not Afghanistan. Not the economy. Not Pinocchio on Pennsylvania Avenue. So we had to hear from everyone who ever wrote anything! All right. Shut up now. Here's the thing. The guy is a recovering addict! He is a liar by definition. He can't help it. That's what addicts do. So, if you want to read an interesting story of addiction and recovery, help yourself. But, it isn't the whole truth. It's about an addict after all.

Where have all the good people gone?

2006-01-14T09:18:00.000-06:00

Growing up, I thought the world was made up of smart people and that I would have to work hard to keep up. I was wrong. The world is made up of dumb people and I have to work hard not to kill them. We are trying to replace an assistant who quit recently. The first candidate is too shy to be a phone person. Strike two, she had herself a little McDonald's breakfast sandwich at the front desk. Then she knocked out the electricity to her area of the office after plugging in a space heater. The first time was not her fault. The second and third time were. Now we have someone else coming in Monday. I don't harbor any false hopes that this one will be much better. Where are all the good people?

Everyone's an idiot

2006-01-03T21:08:00.000-06:00

In the past 10 years, I have worked for several companies. There is one thing I have learned about American companies and that is that they succeed in spite of themselves. I try to imagine what would happen if people performed their jobs at a level that could be called competent. What kind of a world would that be?! It seems so outrageous, doesn't it? I know you know what I am talking about. What is up with the executives who cannot make the tough calls? Don't they feel like frauds? They should. One president I know allows his retired secretary to come in one day a week or so. She is useless. She was useless when she was full time and now that she is a part-time retired employee, she is doubly useless. He doesn't have the nads to tell her to stay home. Our sales v.p. is a loser. Our sales force is laughable. Our quality control manager is certifiable. Our customer service manager is a joke. The traffic manager is in way over his head. Last year was a record year for sales and profit! Can you imagine what kind of profits the company would have posted if even some of the employees were qualified for their positions? I have updated my resume' and all like that. But, I really need to win the lottery.

It's New Year's Eve

2005-12-31T13:59:00.000-06:00

So, here we are. Another year gone. Older, maybe wiser? Here's something to chew on. If you hate your job, are you going to update your resume' and put out the word that you're looking to make a change? No? Then how will anything happen? You need to act, not talk about major changes. Like for instance, if you're in a bad relationship, now would be a good time to make the move to get out of it. The thing about relationships is that once they go bad, they don't turn good again. So what the hell are you waiting for, magic? This is a good time to formulate your plans to change the things about your life that you know need changing. Make a list of actions you will take and a timetable. Stick to it. Otherwise, before you know it, your ass will be dead and you will have left this world wondering what might have been.

2005-12-25T08:23:00.000-06:00

Merry Christmas!
On this day, be thankful if you have your family around you. My friend has just found herself to be the mom to her nieces and nephew. She and her partner have been trying to conceive a child for a long while. It has been very difficult. A week ago, the mother of 3 children ages 5, 7 and 8 set her apartment on fire and then tried to kill herself. She is mentally ill and a drug addict. She was committed to the psychiatric ward for observation. When my friend went to the hospital to pick her up and take her to drug rehab, she was gone from the hospital. No one knows where she went. Meanwhile, my friend's brother, who has not had much contact with his kids and has his own problems, is willing to sign over guardianship to my friend. So, she now has the family she and her partner have been hoping for. They have already enrolled the kids in the local school. Next, they will try to find healthcare that they can afford. They don't have a lot of money. Despite everything that has gone on in their young lives, these are nice kids. They deserve a good home. Now they have one.

2005-12-24T08:44:00.000-06:00

It's Christmas Eve. I think I'll take the day off from the antics of gwb and his cronies. Today, I wish everyone a peaceful Christmas. For some, that means that Dad won't yell at them for being loud, that Mom won't smack them for dropping cookies all over the carpet. For others, it means no argument with the spouse about whose family has more assholes per capita. I hope the guy across the street will give his teenage daughter a break and stop shouting at her for an hour or so. And I hope the other guy across the street will stop berating his little boy, just for the morning maybe. The meaning of Christmas is completely lost on some people. The guy across the street was yelling at his little boy about putting up the decorations on their balcony. Duh. To all of those people who have no clue I say...stop and think before you speak. You will never get these times with your kids back. There is no do-over for childhood. The memories your kids are forming now will be with them forever. Make some different memories this Christmas. Try speaking instead of shouting. Try doing what your kids want to do, for once. Try being nice.

2005-12-18T10:40:00.000-06:00

Let's acknowledge what is happening to us. The Bush administration is discounting the significance of the constitution and running roughshod over the middle class, the poor and other outsiders. Citizens are being spied upon under the guise of homeland security. The hurricane disaster continues to ruin lives through the wholescale neglect of the victims. The United States military can no longer hold itself up as a civilized army since we now know that we have committed government- sanctioned torture of suspected enemies. The following quote was found on Huffingtonpost.com. I wish I had said it and I cannot find it again to give proper credit to its author.

On Bush...

"Will someone please give this man a blow job so that we can impeach him?"

2005-12-09T19:41:00.000-06:00

I carry a digital camera in my car. The main reason is because I pass by Midway airport in Chicago every day. I go through the intersection that is at this moment occupied by a big jet. I don't feel freaked out or anything...no thoughts of "oh my god, that could have been me!" I don't know why.
It took me about 20 minutes to go half a mile after work today because the plane is still sitting in the middle of the street and there are network news trucks and gawkers all over the damn place. The morons who don't watch or read the news tried to go south on Central Avenue and then when they realized that they couldn't, they decided to make turns from whichever lane they happened to be in. It's days like this that I really wish I had a hood-mounted machine gun. Just kidding.
Considering the number of planes that go in and out of that airport every day, it is really very safe. That's cold comfort for the folks who experienced the crash, I know. But, it is not a reason to call for closing the airport or limiting the size or number of planes that can use it. The people who live close to the airport know the danger. They don't dwell on it, but they know.

2005-12-07T21:34:00.000-06:00

I think it is good that the marshal shot the wack job who said he had a bomb. Maybe if the terrorists know that we have armed guards on the airplanes who aren't afraid to shoot, we can stop the silly screening process that is such a Bushian idea. Having little old ladies take off their shoes and submit to searches is about as stupid as Bush sending Brownie to handle the hurricane disaster. We can get rid of all of the screeners and just keep the metal detectors and get more bomb sniffing dogs. The money we used to spend on the screening people should be spent on armed guards for every flight. Shooting someone every so often should help keep the bad guys off our planes.
When are we going to let go of the "Pearl Harbor Day" wailing and gnashing of teeth that goes on every December 7th? Jesus, people. Hasn't anything else happened in the decades since? Let's see, there was the Viet Nam debacle, the assassinations, the Nixon era. I could go on and on, but you get the point. Why do we keep dredging all of that old hatred up again? The Japanese caught us with our pants down. They kicked our ass. We nuked their cities. I'm sure it was terrible for those who lived it, but we can't keep rekindling hatred for people in the nations we have had wars with. Soon there won't be anyone we don't hate! I mean the wars just keep on coming, folks. So how about let's not do the whole "Day of Infamy" next year, ok?

2005-11-26T20:05:00.000-06:00

My message to the world...We Americans are in full-blown Christmas season mode. People are shopping like they have money and houses are decorated. Meanwhile our sons and daughters are thousands of miles away fighting an enemy they cannot see. I won't go into whether or not the American people were deliberately misled or not. It doesn't matter now. What matters now is that you need to know that most of us are not in favor of war. We don't understand why we should sacrifice our soldiers to a cause we don't understand. We don't feel safer than we did before the U.S. invaded Iraq. We agree that Sadaam was a very bad man. We don't necessarily think the USA should go wherever and whenever to overthrow dictators. The majority of Americans just want to live and let live. There is a very small minority who like war because they profit from it. There are professional soldiers who need to get their combat time in. But, for the rest of us, this is a sad time in our history. We feel that the current administration has made America more hated than ever and we don't like being hated. So, next time you see that imbecile on television, remember he doesn't speak for all of us.

2005-11-25T00:15:00.000-06:00

All of you who voted for Bush, owe the rest of us an apology.

2005-11-10T10:41:00.000-06:00

Every time I think Bush has hit rock bottom, he sinks a little lower. What a jackass. This war thing is really working out well, isn't it? We have achieved over 2000 American deaths. Go George! Cheney is finally being shown for the crook he is. He is the puppetmaster. Take him out of the equation and you pretty much cancel this presidency. The Republicans sure can maintain silence regarding abuses of power, corruption and incompetency when it's their guy in office. If this were a Democrat in the oval office, impeachment proceedings would be well under way.

Meanwhile, France is on fire. What's up with that? If all of the poor immigrants can't get a good job in France, WHY ARE THEY STILL THERE??? Their ancestors came over to perform jobs that no longer exist. What is keeping these folks from going home? France, or Europe for that matter, is not going to change to accomodate outsiders no matter how long they have lived there. Languishing in poverty amid prejudice is a losing proposition. Go home.

2005-10-15T18:37:00.000-05:00

Something different...today I went to the theater with my daughter. We saw Wicked and it was great! I suggest you go if you get the chance. I do think it is a chick and gay guy play. The straight men I saw didn't seem that enthralled. One man in our row actually fell asleep! The story is about the witches of Oz. Very interesting book by Winnie Holzman taken from a novel by Gregory Maguire. The themes are friendship, loneliness, family dramas, censorship, oppression and love. What more could you want? It is at times very funny. The Chicago cast includes Ana Gasteyer of Saturday Night Live fame. She has a great voice. The actress who plays Glinda was out due to an injury sustained during one rather boisterous number, Popular. She better get back in a hurry. Her understudy, Sarah Jane Everman, was exceptional. Not very often that a beautiful woman can play goofy. She has an outstanding voice, too. Traffic was really bad getting to the theater. We were still in the parking garage two blocks from our destination at curtain time. We ran/walked and got in the lobby just as one of the ushers yelled, "Five seconds to get inside or you won't get in!" We sat down, the lights dimmed and we were off. For 2 1/2 hours, I was transported. I forgot all about real life and I laughed and was thoroughly engaged. That counts for a lot these days.

2005-10-04T12:33:00.000-05:00

While I agree that we need another female justice on the Supreme Court, I don't think it should be Harriet Miers. The main reason I would reject her is the fact that she is a close friend of Bush. That shows an appalling lack of judgement on her part. I say we move on anyway, she isn't going to make it. Why Bush would put a "friend" through this is an indication of just how morally bancrupt the man is. You don't set your friends up for an ambush, George. Didn't your parents or your church teach you that? Meanwhile, more and more people are speaking out against the war in Iraq, gasoline prices are artificially inflated (check the crude oil prices) and the hurricane debacle isn't going away. Good times, huh George? This term probably isn't as much fun as you thought it was going to be. You blew it. But, it wasn't all your fault. It was the fault of the party that didn't bother to check your credentials to see if you should be president. Had they done so, they might have noticed that you are not that bright, that you are a bit of a weasel (shirking your military duty) and you have a stupid smirk on your face that offends everyone but your fellow good ole boys. Not exactly the presidential profile the country needed.

2005-10-02T08:19:00.000-05:00

Another one bites the dust. A pal of mine has been slapped in the face by the ugly hand of alcoholism. He drank, argued with his wife, hit her, she called the cops, he went to jail. I have faith in him. I believe that he will go to counseling as he promised, and that he will give up alcohol.
Here's the thing about giving up alcohol. It is like giving up a close friend. Granted it is the friend that always gets you in trouble, but there are good qualities too. Like the way you can relax in social situations. The way you can head right to the tavern after a really tough day at work and knock back a few and feel so much better. The way you can crack open the cold beers with the guys and watch football. And then there are the not so good times, you know, when you forgot to get home in time to go out with your family for dinner. Or the time you said something really inappropriate at the office Xmas party. Or the time, you were so hung over you couldn't take your kids to the zoo like you promised. The list goes on and on. Giving it up is tough. It is like a death and you need to mourn. You need to grieve the fact of not ever having alcohol to lean on anymore. You can't have a glass of wine, a beer, a shot. What will life be like? For some, the longing never really goes away. For others, it is final like a death is final. No more. Done. And you move on. On the positive side, you will have more money and more time. You will not have to fear your kids will grow up hating you for being weak. You will feel stronger and more in control. And the part about no more hangovers is priceless.

2005-09-29T06:13:00.000-05:00

Only in America would there be Senate hearings while a disaster is still ongoing to see why the response to said disaster was inadequate. Brownie is trying to blame local officials for the fiasco. The man has no shame. Meanwhile, the war protest movement grows bigger every day. Bush's ratings are continuing to decline and there is no end to the insurgents killing Iraqi policemen and American soldiers pretty much at will. I don't see how our staying there any longer will have a positive outcome.

2005-09-24T16:56:00.000-05:00

What's up with all of the foreign language blogs on this site? No offense or anything, but this blog originates in the United States. Or does it?
Poor New Orleans got soaked again. And they still think it's a good idea to put all the houses and buildings back where they were? About how many times should we do that? Two, five? I know it's hard to lose your home, but why the hell would you want to put yourself back in harm's way? Go someplace that isn't right smack dab in the path of hurricanes and that isn't below sea level and that doesn't border a lake held back by levies. Knowing the government, it won't be rebuilt in my lifetime anyway. Anyone who is displaced should take this as an opportunity to get the hell out of there and start a new life somewhere else. There is a kid who came to Illinois from New Orleans. He is in school here. He was not able to bring his saxaphone with him so he got 4 saxaphones from people here. He is in the marching band and having a really good time. A month ago, if you had asked him if he wanted to move away, he would have said no. Now? This might be a good thing.

2005-09-20T18:23:00.000-05:00

I am reading "A Walk in the Woods" by Bill Bryson. It is about these two guys who decide to walk the Appalachian Trail. It is a funny book, but I could never do what the author did. He allowed an acquaintance to go with him and this is a guy he didn't even like. I would have said, "No." But that's me. Actually, it wasn't as bad as he thought it would be. What I would like about hiking the trail is the solitude and beauty of nature. What I would hate is the other hikers. The fact that I would have to sleep in wooden shelters with ignorant strangers is not my idea of a good time. Being scared out of my wits thinking there was a bear outside my tent doesn't sound so good either. Hiking for hours at a time would be good for the soul, I think.

2005-09-18T12:49:00.000-05:00

When is it okay to compromise your principles? Is living in a terribly disfunctional relationship in order to hold on to something we need, a justified compromise? Aren't we supposed to be happy most of the time? Maybe that isn't realistic. How much crap should we be willing to put up with? Should life be a day to day struggle to balance what we must do with what we need? Some people are all about how it looks. Some are all about how it feels. When those two types find each other, they are doomed from the start. The trip to the inevitable end can be exciting and even fun. But, the end...

2005-09-15T15:41:00.000-05:00

Now the governor of Louisiana wants to accept responsibility for the poor response to the hurricane. Sorry! George got there first. You can't have the responsibility. Perhaps if you had spoken up sooner, but really, it's just too late.
I am bored to tears. I need something new in my life. I am in the lottery pool here at work. If we win, the company will have to close because there are so many people in the pool. I wonder if that has happened before? Anyway, all I want is a house far away from everyone and everything. I need quiet.

2005-09-14T18:01:00.000-05:00

I just really love the shit out of Green Day right now. I know I am going to burn out on the song, Wake Me Up When September Ends, but right now I feel like it's our anthem. The anthem for all of us who think Bush is an immoral fool, those of us who hate the war and everyone who feels disgust at the way the people suffered needlessly after the hurricane in the Gulf. These are some pretty dark days in our history. I guess we are nearing the American rock bottom, so things should get better soon, right?
Here's an idea for the next big hurricane that destroys part of our country. If the hurricane (or other natural disaster) affects more than one state, then the federal government is automatically in charge. No waiting to be asked. If there is only one state affected, then it should be up to the governor of that state to decide whether the feds need to take over. Think we can give that a try?
If I can just address the public meltdowns of several famous people lately, I want to ask what is up with Celine Dion? She went crazy on Larry King. Isn't she Canadian? Also, Kanye West melted down. But, I think he was truly overcome with grief and pain as well as anger. Poor Mike Myers will never do another live show again! As long as we are talking public meltdowns let's not leave Tom Cruise out. He has had some sort of psychotic break, I think. And where the hell is Katie Holmes' family. What about her friends? She needs to be deprogrammed, seriously. Well, I guess that will do for now.

2005-09-14T12:10:00.000-05:00

I am so relieved that Bush has accepted responsibility for the federal government's molasses- like response to the hurricane crisis. And it was swell of Mike (Brownie) Brown to resign. You know, it really was not Bush's fault things went so badly. See, he doesn't watch the news and he really didn't understand how desperate the situation was until a few days later when his staff showed him a DVD they put together for him. They got all of the highlights from the news programs and made a little show for the president. After he saw that, well things just started moving at lightening speed. So let's all hope that the next big disaster or terrorist attack can be quickly shown to him on DVD. Otherwise, he might not realize until several days have gone by, and by then, well people could be dead or something.
Now to a brighter subject, the new television season is upon us. Prison Break is very good. I am a Lost fan, so I can't wait for that to start. I also like Gilmore Girls, very good premier last night. I watched Supernatural, which I didn't expect to like, but I did. What I am really waiting for is Deadwood, which unfortunately won't be back until March. That is a sin. Football season is here of course. Our Bears are our Bears. They look good, then bad, then good...

2005-09-11T20:04:00.000-05:00

September 11th. Four years ago, our world turned upside down. I watched some programs about that day and was reminded of some pretty incredible things. Like all of the aircraft (about 4000) having to land within 3 hours time. The president flying around in Air Force One so he wouldn't be a sitting duck. The pilots who were given orders to shoot down any commercial airliner that came within 30 miles of the White House. But, the thing that stays with me and makes me angry is the callous way the Bush administration dismissed warnings from the Clinton people and then from the intelligence community about the very real threat of a terrorist attack. I don't understand how the people who voted for Bush thought he would be the best qualified to keep us safe. He is the one who is responsible for the attacks of 9/11 taking place. He hated Clinton so much, that he and his staff would have nothing to do with anyone or anything Clinton. Even though they were talking about threats to the security of our country. On 9/11 Bush sat frozen in a chair in a kindergarten class, unable to think or react at all. This is the guy who about half of the people who voted in the last election think is up to the task of protecting us. How can that be? Now 4 years later, we face another kind of crisis. The storm itself was not the crisis, FEMA was. Because Bush can only imagine danger coming from Iraq, he cares only about the Homeland Security bureaucracy. He folded FEMA into Homeland Security and everyone who knew anything that may have been helpful after the hurricane hit, has left the agency.
George has one concern, Saddam Hussein. Maybe if we name the next hurricane Saddam?

2005-09-09T14:40:00.000-05:00

Finally! A new FEMA head was appointed, someone with actual experience in managing disasters! Instead of feeling grateful, all I can think is "about ******* time!" I can't understand how Bush gets away with being so incompetent. He is a moron. Grandma Bush demonstrated the entire family's distance from the real world with her unfortunate remarks regarding the poor. I don't understand why Americans will stand for just about any type of nonsense from Bush and his minions. No other president would have gotten away with this.

2005-09-08T11:14:00.000-05:00

Some of the hurricane victims, when asked if they would like to go to Chicago, said "No." I guess I can't blame them. It's frightening enough to see your home destroyed, your city in chaos. To have to get on a plane and go to a place you have never even seen? On the other hand, imagine if you are a poor person made homeless by the hurricane. You choose to go to Chicago and when you get there, you meet a lot of nice people. You go for a ride with some other folks to see a little bit of the city. Someone offers you a job. Next thing you know, you are renting an apartment. You join a church. Your life is good and all because you said "Yes" when they asked you if you would like to go to Chicago. The hurricane is life changing for everyone involved. How it changes your life is not entirely up to you, but part of it is.