Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Could I Be That Lucky?

That's one of Cy Tolliver's famous lines from Deadwood. I entered a sweepstakes and I wonder if I could be lucky enough to win. It would be a life changing thing, if I did. I want to help my kids live the lives they were meant to live. I would like them to have the choices that money would bring. I wish I could be that lucky.

Sunday, November 26, 2006

Enjoy the weather

It won't last long. In Chicago, the temperatures are balmy for late November. You see people walking, biking, riding motorcycles. It is our attempt to stock up on the good weather to see us through the winter. In a few days, we will be in the 30 degree range. These abrupt changes are disconcerting to say the least.
Today, my car wouldn't start. My daughter and her boyfriend helped me jump start the car and I went to Pep Boys to get a new battery. Car problems cause me so much anxiety. It is the one area of life that confounds me. I hate when I can't depend on my car.

Friday, November 24, 2006


Not only am I bored being home, I am bored with my life. I feel stuck. I wish I had money. I would like to see what life is like when you have the options that money provides. When you barely have enough money to live, life is a constant struggle. I would like to know what it would be like to not worry about money. It's hard to be creative without choices. It is hard to be generous when you have just the minimum. Before too long, I would like to know.

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Getting Restless

It has been one week since my surgery. I am typing with both hands, but not using my left thumb. Pretty awkward. My thumb hurts quite a bit. Last time my thumb joint hurt, but not my thumb itself. I'm taking my pain meds about twice a day. Much better than last time when I was taking it around the clock. I am getting a little bored being home already. I am going to the post office to mail something. That is what passes for fun right now. I have a lot of stuff to read, a project on family history to work on, music I want to download, yet I am restless and can't seem to focus on anything.

Monday, November 20, 2006

So far, so good

I went to my follow up appointment today. I couldn't take my pain meds because I had to drive, so I just took an Alleve. It wasn't bad. I have a hard splint now. There isn't as much pain or swelling this time.

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Under the Knife

Today I am having surgery on my left hand. I had my right hand operated on in June. Now, I will have a matched set. I dread what's coming in the next few weeks. Day after day of misery. But, after another 6 months I should be able to use both hands the way I need to. I can cook again. I can golf again. I can play my violin again. So, it's not just necessary, but worth it in the end. See you later.

Saturday, November 11, 2006


I still hate my job, but yesterday something completely unexpected happened. My boss had told another manager that it was time for his department to take over a task our department has been doing. It rightly belongs to the other department, honest. This other manager said no. So my boss and I had a discussion and without saying it in so many words, decided to stop doing the task. Then the next day, this manager came to me to discuss this again. First of all, no one in this company ever thinks again about anything. They shoot from the hip, deflect work, and then refuse to act. I didn't know what to do. We talked for a while and he now understands that indeed this belongs to his department. I offered my help with training etc. and he said we will talk again next week. Then another manager told my boss that he should congratulate me on saving the company a lot of money by noticing an increase in a service. I thanked him for mentioning it to my boss. Wow. This is almost like a real company. I still want out.

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

One Vote

I just got home. I stopped after work to vote. It was a very pleasant experience and it made me feel grateful. I know it wasn't pleasant in some places. The documentary Hacking Democracy is a must see. I had no idea until I saw that film, that everyone won't have the same experience at the voting place that I did. Some people stood in line in the rain for 7 hours to vote in the last presidential election. In America. Some places had too few machines and so there were long lines. Some places had machines that didn't work. And some places had vote fraud. Gore actually had a negative vote count in one place. I am fairly confidant that my vote will be counted and that there will not be any fraud. I feel really good that I was able to vote on a referendum about whether we should withdraw from Iraq. I feel really good that I was able to vote to ban assault weapons. I will never take voting for granted again.

Saturday, November 04, 2006

I Had It Wrong

I guess I have been all wrong about ministers. I grew up thinking that these were special people who were a little better than the rest of us. A little kinder. A little more giving. After all, they raised their families with whatever money the congregation felt like giving them. In most cases, it wasn't all that much. They were there for their flock, no matter the hour. They seemed gentler, more like I imagined Jesus to be. But, I had it wrong. The scandals in the Christian churches in the past months have given me pause, you might say. These people (mostly men) are not only no better than the rest of us, some of them are sick perverts. They have twisted psyches. Not only are they not Jesus-like, they aren't even descent human beings. They are liars, cheaters and sexually promiscuous. We've been inundated for years with stories of the priest/pedophile scandals in the Catholic church. The fundamentalist Christians sat back all self-satisfied and smug. Now, they aren't looking so smug. So, what's the lesson here? I don't know. I gave up on organized religion many years ago. Wars are being fought even today in the name of religion. Would we all be better off if the churches, synagogues, mosques, and temples were closed down?

Friday, November 03, 2006

It's Been Real

It's been a strange week. I'm glad it's over. Next week is going to be rough. I have started writing my great American novel. It is difficult, as I knew it would be. I keep putting it down for a long time between writing. At this rate, it will take years, but that's okay. I don't have a deadline.

Wednesday, November 01, 2006


I know I bring this up a lot, but really, the world is so filled with asshats and fucknuts of various assortments. Why do we have to put up with them? Can't they all go live in one place and leave the rest of us the fuck alone? I don't go looking for trouble. Trouble finds me. Certain people hate me. They are usually the type of people who have an inflated opinion of their own importance. Being around me makes them realize that they really aren't anything at all. That makes them lash out at me. I don't go to them and call them out. But, when provoked, I can be quite formidable. As one of them is about to find out.